The white wooden door, stained with mud and worn from every opening and closing, was firm against my back. I sat with a posture of authority trying to forget that I was only as tall as the black crate that I was sitting on. In front of me, their was a muddy pond made from rain, mulch, and dirt that filled what was at one point an area for kids to play in. Two children, in disobedience, were slushing their way through the muddy pond and soaking their pants in the filth. On my left, kids were banging their fists against a different door hoping they could sneak their way back inside. To my right, there were others who begged for food as they clutched their stomachs and ached in what seemed to be unbearable pain. “I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. It’s hot. I’m tired. My head hurts. Why can’t we go inside?” These complaints came with faces. Faces of anger and resentment. Faces of children who now saw me as an obstacle to getting what they wanted. I even had kids in my lap and at my feet. Some crying. Others reaching over my head to pull on the door. And this is the moment when I wanted to quit. I wanted to walk away. I had, had enough. I could find no words. No thoughts. No emotions. Just an overwhelming sense of chaos.
And I had no strength to find my way back to peace. But the Lord provided it. He literally put in me the desire to sing. He gave me a song. He put in on my lips. And I sang. amazing grace // how sweet the sound // that saved a wretch like me // I once was lost // but now am found // was blind // but now I see // twas grace that taught my heart to fear// and grace my fears relieved. Almost immediately, the children became silent. The peace of God flooded that space entirely. The girls at my feet smiled at me and asked me to keep singing every time I took a break. In this supernatural intervention, the Holy Spirit reminded me that giving up on these kids in the midst of their disobedience is exactly what everyone else has done in their lives. Even in my job as the doorkeeper, being told not to allow children inside unless they needed to use the restroom and instructing them to play outside for forty-five minutes, I was loving them. I was teaching them how to obey and choose joy over complaining. And although that love didn’t feel abundant, God provided it. He showed me how to love through song. How to love through patience. How to love through being fully present with the children.
Those moments are the ones that make working for CSM as a City Host so difficult yet rewarding. In that chaos, I was still a host and I had to make sure that my students were doing okay with the children. My job does not require of me to serve alongside the groups I host. And yet, throughout the entire summer, I found myself with kids on my lap, an apron around my waist, or baby clothes folded in my hands. God supplied me with the strength to host and to serve alongside my groups. It feels like I have been on nine different mission trips this summer.
Group 9 was phenomenal. It was a small group. We had five students and three leaders. It can be hard to work with smaller groups because there are not as many hands, but this group really pulled through. I never once was disappointed in them. They smiled. They did as I asked. They were quiet and thoughtful. And I am beyond thankful for those qualities. At this point in my summer, those qualities are what I rely on.
What really stuck out to me were their interactions with the children. They handled the chaos with grace. When they could’ve gotten flustered or angry or overwhelmed to the point of quitting, they kept going. I could look up whenever and spot at least one person from my group having a conversation with a child. The children loved my three girls and two guys. Oh, and they loved my leaders too!
Every day one of the students or leaders would share their testimony. This group was intentional about going deeper than surface level and I appreciated that. They wanted more from each other and from the Lord. This amount of intentionality gave our group spiritual depth, growth, and maturity. For that reason, we served better together throughout the week. Here’s to another great week!
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