I’ve been doing this thing lately where I go back through the pages of my journal, read what I have written, and then add commentary. I have arrows pointing to statements I made weeks ago. My comments will be something like, “Woah, the Lord answered that prayer! Or I have seen God move in that person’s life! Or I can see a small change in my heart since then!” I used to be so particular about my journal that I couldn’t fathom having empty spaces on the page, let alone going back and adding onto a day’s worth of thoughts. What is done is done. Things are in the past. Today, my focus is to improve on my mistakes of yesterday and become a better version of myself…
Truth be told. This mentality is not Biblical. It has been eating me alive and I haven’t been able to rejoice. In order to rejoice, there needs to be an element of grace for imperfection. My rejoicing has been reserved for the moments when everything went right, everyone was pleased, and I was generously applauded for my work. With those kinds of terms, it’s safe to say I hardly rejoice.
Another cause for my lack of rejoicing, is simply my pace of living. I still remember the feeling I had as I watched the youngest little of the family I nanny for. Nerves pulsed through me and excitement lit my face up. He pushed his trike all the way up the hill, to the very tippety top. Taking his seat, he yelled out, “Here I come!” I watched as he zoomed down the hill, right past me, and all the way to the end of the gravel back road. The wind he left behind had thrown my hair right up and over my left shoulder. I couldn’t believe it. He had gone so fast down and was going right back up to the top. Ready to make the trip again. My days feel like that trip down the hill. They are fun and fast. They are exhilarating and exhausting. They keep me going and they keep me from rejoicing too. When that little boy flew down the hill, I can guarantee you that he didn’t notice the butterfly that had landed on the nearby fence or the tall oak tree that shaded the pathway or the way his siblings smiled so big as they watched their little brother zoom down the hill. He couldn’t have seen those things because he wasn’t going slow enough.
God has revealed these two main things to me:
One: to rejoice requires giving grace to imperfection. Two: to rejoice requires slowing down.
When God revealed those two things to me, He simultaneously crushed the mentality I previously mentioned I had been living with: “Today, my focus is to improve on my mistakes of yesterday and become a better version of myself.” God pointed me back to His Word and He rewrote a new mentality for me.
Romans 8:1-4 reads, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” What God has done for us in Jesus extends way beyond the one time salvation that Jesus accomplished on the cross. God’s great grace + mercy + love toward us, is in the daily way that He saves us from our self. Romans 8 makes it plain to see that it was our own self that made salvation impossible. We fail. We cannot do it. We are not good enough. We lose the battle every time, on our own. Jesus wins. Jesus can do it. Jesus is perfect. He has secured the victory, on His own without us being involved, according to God’s plan.
Hebrews 10:14-18 reads, “For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified. And the Holy Spirit also bears witness to us; for after saying, ‘This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days,’ declares the Lord: I will put my laws on their hearts, and write them on their minds,’ then he adds, ‘I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.’ Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin.” God has forgiven us once for all through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. Through that sacrifice, we can be rid of sin and we can be free of constantly holding our sins against ourselves. It is not our job to make atonement for our sin, if it were, we would have no ability to restore ourselves into relationship with God. We are imperfect. Also, our desire not to sin should not motivate or remind us try harder to please God. I know the feeling of messing up over and over again. Then, I tell myself not to do it over and over again, but feel defeated when I fail. Our motivation has to be Christ. God not only saves us, makes us Holy, and restores us, He also empowers us! Our strength is God.
Psalm 18:31-32 reads, “For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?—the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless.”
Matthew 11:28-30 reads, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” When I approach the Father, multiple things occur. He removes my burdens. He listens + cares for me. He calms me. He quiets me. He causes me to slow down. The frenzy I live in is partly due to my pursuit of my own holiness. The moment I believe that I can do it alone, that is exactly what I will do: I will do it ALL alone. I will begin to believe that my future is in my hands. My career is in my hands. My healing is in my hands. My growth is in my hands. My strength is in my hands. And that amount of pressure is what causes me to run around like a chicken with my head cut off. Slowing down is a sign of security. It is a declaration that you are not defined by what you do.
My new mentality: “Today, my focus is to draw near to God, my source of love + strength + motivation. I look at yesterday with grace + acknowledge that I am being perfected by God + not by my own works. Today, I want to become more like Christ.”
With that new mentality, I have been able to rejoice. I know, so crazy. I have flipped back to pages in my journal where I couldn’t see any good, but now I see good. I recognize God’s hand in the small things He has done. I have rejoiced for the butterflies that have landed on the fences and the oak trees that have shaded the pathways and the smiles of those around me who are seeing that God is doing a good work. It’s okay to get excited + rejoice about what God is doing.
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